Self-Acceptance – Backwards, the long way and ass first

I’ve been thinking about how I live my life and was trying to come up with an analogy. This is what I come up with. I once reversed through a fast food drive through. The driver side electric window fucked out on me so rather than get out and go in, I spent way longer trying to navigate my way through a McDonalds obstacle course so I could wind down and scream my order through my passenger side window.

So to summarise how I get through life? Backwards, the long way and ass first.

Let’s talk about my car for a minute. It’s loud. You can hear it coming from a mile away. The exhaust is fucked, I’ve had it replaced twice. I think it’s a four-wheel drive, its not, yet it spends more time off road than on, and by ‘off road’ I mean the gutters, nature strips and footpaths where I left my last couple of exhaust pipes.

And there was that one time I rolled it. Flipped it on its roof and caved the side in. Never had it fixed. I drove it around with no side mirror for years. Scratches and dents still cover its entirety. It has cigarette burns in the seats. It smells like an ashtray. The front bumper is drilled on with a few loose screws. It’s only been serviced a handful of times in the decade that I have owned it and it runs off the smell of an oily rag. It has to, I give it no choice.

Why am I telling you this? Well my housemate, who also happens to be my best mate, made an interesting observation the other day.

My car is ME.

Its LOUD. It’s a bit rough around the edges. It has a few battle wounds and some old scars (physically and emotionally on my end). I don’t pay enough attention to my overall health or give my engine the regular maintenance that it needs. I burn the candle at both ends without considering the consequences and I just keep going even when my petrol light is flashing. I smell like an ashtray and spend way too much on scented products instead of fixing the problem. I don’t drink enough water and then wonder why I overheat. My body could do with some work and a bit of panel beating instead of just a rough paint job before a night out.

All this aside though, I’m loyal and solid as a rock. Like my car, I never skip a beat apart from the occasional flat battery. All I can do is keep learning and improving along the way!

And just like me, apart from the odd dodgy fix up job, I’ve just learnt to love what it has become.

  • The Spiritual Bogan
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