Exercise – Gasping like a Carp on a river bank


I went for a run. Not because I had a burning desire to exercise, but because I’ve always wanted to be the kind of person that was able to say… I went for a run.

As a result, I now have questions.

Who the actual fuck are these people that make running look like a good time? How the fuck are they doing that? With their headphones busting some sick tunes, active wear on point and not gasping like a carp on a river bank. You’ve seen them, I know you have.

Seriously. I had snot pouring down my face. SNOT!!! I don’t even have a cold, where the fuck is it coming from? Am I dying? Can’t be, the pain I’m experiencing in parts of my body that I didn’t know I had, is making it very obvious that I am alive. My run comes to a complete halt at the exact moment that my oesophagus, which is already under copious amounts of pressure to suck oxygen into my lungs, is partially obstructed by the vomit that is now pouring out of my mouth. Thankfully, Id only made it 300 metres away from my house.

I think it goes without saying that I was not having fun. But it doesn’t end there.

The NEXT day, like a sick joke, I am further punished by some kind of voodoo secondary pain that now leaves me unable to sit on the toilet without holding on to the walls to lower myself down. They say it gets easier. Il take their word for it.

Moral of the story: you’ve got to walk before you can run. Noted.

  • The Spiritual Bogan
Please post a comment & share this with a legend who would enjoy laughing at my expense xox

7 Responses to “Exercise – Gasping like a Carp on a river bank

  • I can’t stop laughing. People type lol but are rarely actually “literally” laughing out loud. But I just did. A LOT. I too have run and snotted and spewed. Anyone who makes running look pretty or easy is an alien.

    • SpiritualBogan
      6 years ago

      Thanks so much for the commment!! So happy you can relate!! the struggle is real… definately alien xoxo

    • SpiritualBogan
      6 years ago

      The struggle is real. Definately alien. There must be a better way? So glad you got a laugh! Thanks for reading xo

  • Leah Wilson
    6 years ago

    Oh this is the best one yet. Actually laughed out loud!!

  • I run errry day now ya big bogan!!!! Hahahha it gets easier…. honestly I hated life in the beginning…. but now if I don’t get a run in I’m a moody mole face (even more so than just a normal day) good on ya chick for giving it a crack!!!! Love your face

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