Morning rituals – I fucking hate mornings

THURSDAY 6pm

‘Start a morning ritual today’ the article reads. The chick in the picture looks fucking stoked with life. Her skin is glowing, her teeth are perfect and I imagine her hot as fuck boyfriend is looking at her adoringly while taking said picture.

Instantly my brain decides its time to screw me. You’ll never look that good, you don’t have the willpower to develop a practice like that. I’m sitting on the couch. I haven’t moved for over an hour and have racked up some serious kilometres with my thumb scrolling Facebook for inspo. I’m inclined to agree with my brain.

I ponder this for a moment and decide that these negative based comparisons are part of the reason that I’m overweight, insecure and have this unfounded reasoning that I’m not good enough to live a positive life.

So I ignore that asshole part of my brain and do some research and come up with a list of things to do during my morning before work that I know will make me feel fucking amazing! I’m pumped. I can’t wait to go to sleep so I can start a new day feeling fresh and get one step closer to the life I dream of living.

THURSDAY 10pm

I set my alarm for 5am and hit the hay. I can’t wait to see how good I feel after this.

My list includes:

Drink hot lemon water – seems simple enough considering the heavily documented benefits.

Meditate for 5 mins – I can totally breathe for 5 minutes

Set your intention for the day and write it down – I’ve got heaps of shit to do so I’ve got that covered.

Do some stretches – No puffing or sweating involved so I’m sold!

Good start I think. Ease into it, start simple and let the good feels roll. Night!!

FRIDAY 5AM

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

FRIDAY 6am

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

FRIDAY 620am

FUCK! I jump out of bed, throw on my uniform and have just enough time to spot the packet of peanut M&M’s my housemate opened the night before. I grab a handful and jam them in my mouth as I bolt out the door. Breakfast of champions. Ritual Fail…

I fucking hate mornings.

– The Spiritual bogan

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